Eighteen

Early morning she was waken up:
- You did it, congratulations! I couldn't leave before knowing...
She got kissed and huged before she could open her eyes. Took her yet a while to digest the news. So, that's it... who would've guessed? Didn't brush her teeth, went straight to the living room. Yes, she could see her name, indeed. The woman was leaving:
- We're gonna find a way through, I know it's difficult, and it's a month yet before we get an ultimante answer, but we've just got to deal with what we have from now. Well, you know you've got to talk to him. Make a call.
She grabbed a book instead, the lancinating feeling that any universe would be better than the one she needed to face. Hours passed and she did not realized them flew away. It was already lunch time, and the woman was back:
- So, did you call him?
"Oh, fuck." She took a deep breath, and went away from the looks of her family. A few minutes later, she was back:
- He'll be here late in the afternoon.
- Of course he is.
The woman seemed not impressed by the fact he was going to delay as much as possible the chat. She felt the same way. Actually, this kinda feeling was chasing her, could not remember since when. She expected people to act in mediocrity, like there was no cause worth fighting for at all. Not even your own children.

The doorbell rang. She looked through the windows; it was nearly nightfall. Changed her clothes, and combed her long hair. It felt to her like it was a parasite, who fed itself from her dreams directly from her head while she was asleep. Though she promised herself not to cut it, and yet it was a little harmed, people said it was beautiful. "Yeah, whatever."
He was waiting downstairs, between the gates close to the hurt garden.
- Congratulations.
- Thanks. "Cut the crap."
- Look, you've got no idea how frustating it is to me...
"I knew it..."
- ... if it's frustating to you, imagine to me!
"Me, frustation?! Yeah, it's just my future... but I've no idea how it is to you, yeah."
- I undestand...
- No really. I'd love to give you everything, but I've got to live too!
"What?! Sure I want you to live under a bridge, daddy... especially for me. I want to be the cause of your suffering."
- I'm not asking you everything, you know...
- But it's more than I can give you! And you're not the only one...
- Yeah, but we don't have to go through it alone! I can get a job, you know...
- It's fifty months, lots of money... you know nothing. That's not easy.
"You're so wrong... you've been telling me how difficult everything is since I was a baby, thank you."
- There are lots of ways to make it...
- But they're all uncertain! I'll have to lock myself in that apartment, even more than I already am! I've got no life! What if something happens?!
The wind kept on pushing the gates into closing. She was feeling like the walls were falling down on her. She tried to look at him, but that seemed to get her will to cry even stronger. As to him, he did not look at her at all.
"Why did you make me get born, so?! Why can't I break up with you, like I've done to them all? I swear I don't mind if you just walk away now and 'go live your life'... just don't look at me as if my existance was to blame for it all!"
He was pretending to scratch counts on the walls:
- I can't give you more than this. And it's not enough.
Long periods of silence between the lines. It was what took to them to get the nerve to say something. She cried, hating herself for it:
- Look, it's not my fault! It is not easy for us here, you know?
- Yeah, but that doesn't matters to me! That's up to her now!
He carried very anger in his words. She felt her heart drowning in despair. "Go in peace, you can go now. But leave, please, just leave." He did not leave, though, and made a new wave of silence.
- I'm sorry, but that's it.
- That's ok... I understand, believe me!
She did not feel like she was raised to fight. Not like this. What's the point in yelling and saying words that, even though were burning to be said, she would regret after all? She wasn't like him...
- There's still hope... next month I'll get my answer, maybe I can go somehere else.
- But that's a long way, lots of things could go wrong...
- There's a chance, I'm thinking of today! It's simple.
- I think a long way ahead, you can't see...
He talked as she was imature, as she was to break. This made her will not to cry grow. Deep inside, she felt the universe's secrets laying untouched, in safety. "You're such a coward..."
- Ok?
He had tears in his eyes.
- Yeah. I'll call you later. Bye.
She run inside before he could see her cry. Then she dried her face, went upstairs.
"What is left in the world to be believed?"

Before sleeping, she tried to feel exactly where was she inside her body. It was so confusing, like there were lots of pieces of her in between her very soul and the world outside. It was time to let go.